there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
