I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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