standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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