All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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