We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
