He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you had me at cake vodka
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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