I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
