That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
