The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
