I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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