i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
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Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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