I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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