Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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