Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
