Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
and you said cock pushups were impossible
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
