She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
