My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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