you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
