sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
