i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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