Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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