my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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