When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
