when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
