This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
