I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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