Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
