Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
