Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
