I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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