1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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