Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
