we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
