My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
