Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
