Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
