Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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