No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
