i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
