Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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