If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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