I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
two words...techno handjob
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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