i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
