I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
