I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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