Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
