At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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