the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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