I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I understand Curling. That high.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
