May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
