Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.