he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
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My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
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In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.