I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.