She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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