i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize