Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
