addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
