I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
