it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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