Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Randomize
