eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
