its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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