I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
