Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
