Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
