she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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