you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
