apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Come on in and take your pants off
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