I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
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You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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