apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
